I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
