jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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