I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
