she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
