no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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