hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
