He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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