Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
