My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
