You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
