Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
