Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
