dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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