i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
