Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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