I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
