Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
