Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
