No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
