doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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