dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
