Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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