We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
