Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
