everyone is single if you try hard enough
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
