then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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