I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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