you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
