so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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