I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
