Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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