exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
