if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
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apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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