Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
