Don't make out with my wife yet
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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