My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
