I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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