My friends, they love my intelligence
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
