He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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