so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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