tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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