I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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