so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
