walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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