What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
