Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
