you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
