Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
