Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
