I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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