____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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