before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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