I want to make a zoo with you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So many bounce houses so little time
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
