I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
