we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
