The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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