did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
