I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
