awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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