the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
