I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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