New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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