i used baking grease as lip gloss
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
