Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
