Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
