My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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