shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
