rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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