another moral hangover. fuck.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
