At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This baby is an asshole
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
