I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
