Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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